Expectation

Even in churches that don't normally follow the liturgical calendar, Advent is something to take note of. My friends and family certainly know that I am one of those people that drive Scrooges crazy. I've been known to play Christmas music in October, and bake my favorite Christmas cookies in the middle of summer. But Advent--those four Sundays before Christmas--is when I really love to celebrate.

I think that every child understands what it means to anticipate Christmas, if that is the holiday that he or she celebrates. If only for the presents under the tree, a child will wait with eager anticipation. I remember when I was very small, my aunt would send cardboard Advent calendars from Germany, where her husband was stationed with the army. From December 1st until Christmas morning, we would open a small door to reveal a piece of chocolate. When we were older, my brother and I had a felt Advent calendar with a pocket for each day, and a small gift to be opened for each of us. All of this built up the excitement and anticipation for the big day, Christmas day. No matter how little money we had, and there were times when we had very little, my parents always made certain that there was something under the tree.

As we age, however, I think that this time of the year brings only more duties, more social engagements. There is more traveling and less time to remember "the reason for the season." I have many female friends who are mothers with attitudes that are more Scrooge-like than joyful. There is too much to do and too little time to do it in. Dread replaces anticipation, and relief replaces joy on Christmas morning.

Aside from Advent, Lent and Easter is the other big celebration on the church calendar, although I'm not sure that you can call Lent a celebration, even if it has its own stark beauty. I imagine there are those who prefer Easter, because there is less to do. Lent and Easter, aside from the Easter candy and bunny decorations, largely go unremarked by the world. That holy time has a tendency to slip under the radar, which is rather fitting when you think about it.

But if Lent is about self-denial and self-sacrifice, culminating in the celebration of our redemption, Advent is about anxious expectation. We wait for something wonderful, for the thing that will change our lives and turn the whole world upside down. We celebrate the waiting, knowing that the gift of anticipation is one to be savored. Who doesn't remember the feeling on Christmas morning, when all the presents are unwrapped, when you wish you could have waited just a little longer? Advent, then, is the knowledge of Mary, knowing that God had called her to bear His Son, and knowing that his birth would bring new life and hope to her people. I often wonder if Mary, who "treasured these things up in her heart" had any idea what was to come, what she and her son would be called to endure.

Expectation, anticipation, has taken on new meaning for me this year, as I recently got engaged. It is no stretch to say that my fiance and I are eagerly anticipating the day that we are to be married, when our lives will finally become one. We await something good, something holy, that will change our lives in ways both expected and unexpected. I imagine that I will learn something new about expectation again when (Lord willing) I am pregnant, and I eagerly anticipate the birth.

Right now, however, we are in the in between time, knowing what is to come, at least a little, and yet unable to hurry it up. I have learned a lot, however, and this Advent season means more to me than have others. I know what it is to await the changing of your world now, the knowledge that what you face is both an ending and a beginning. I have some small understanding of what Mary must have felt, awaiting the day when her life would change irrevocably.

And I am learning to find joy in the in between times.